*sigh*, I am to a certain point frustrated at many things.
My apparent inability to swallow my pride is one. There is a part of me that still refuses to accept that someone out there is much better than I am.
At the same time somehow I always thought that I could just coast by and not put in any effort like I did before, after all I was good at it anyway. So why bother?
Complacency is a terrible terrible thing, and I can't help but think that all of a sudden I'm just settling for second best. I know I should be doing something other than sit on it but then I do just that.
I know now what's the problem. Now when I look back I noticed something was woefully missing: MOTIVATION. There was just this general lack of drive in everything I did - but I survive on being able to give 100% and yet I couldn't even do so much as lift my finger to do anything.
I have a sneaking suspicion that everything that's been going on these past few weeks is J's idea of a rude (but effective) wake-up call. I thought about this last week and it's probably true in a sense. Being at 111's Days made me realize (again) how much I still need to do.
I've also been utterly frustrated at how I can never seem to get myself to shake off old habits and behaviors that I know full well can harm more than hurt. Example: my sarcasm. Another example: my tendency to float to a group of people I know just to feel I belong. Yes, I can't help being sarcastic at times and I can't help but approach people even if I know it's looking pretty akward. Am I starving for attention? Well, if you put it that way then no. But am I an attention-seeker? Maybe. It's always me and I in my own little world, everyday when I enter class I feel like I'm in a bubble. And funny thing is, it lasts the whole day - then the bubble sets itself up again the next day. The vicious cycle repeats itself again and yeah. NOT GOOD.
Now all that's really left is the Dreaded Day. I'm scared of the consequences of my actions - but then again what's happened has already happened. I can't do anything to change the past, and there is definitely no use in crying over spilled milk. Now only if I could wrap my mind around that thought.
I'm also frustrated at how easily bored I can become. I get so bored easily that it's really not funny. Though over the years I've changed from this hyperactive little girl to a I-don't-know-what one thing's never changed: I'm still as bored as ever. That aspect of me will probably never dislodge itself from my consciousness, oh well. O:
There, now that I've let it all out I feel much better. : D
[Golly, it's been ages since I've actually blogged - I feel as if I was away from the blogosphere for centuries]
[Hahaha, did I just use the word "golly"? OOC much, xD]